I have been here since 6:00 in the morning. Is that really necessary? The doors only open at 9:00. I have not had the chance to drink the last half of my coffee, and my manager is already yelling at me for a reason I have not yet been able to process, due to the lack of caffeine. She has completely lost her mind! Guess who forgot to do their yoga this morning? That deserves a write-up, I’d say. Three strikes and you’re out. Why wouldn’t that rule apply to her as well? I was written-up for missing a single yoga class with my colleagues because I felt it was important to study for my exam. FYI: these classes are given on a weekly basis, there are 52 weeks in a year, and I have been working at Lululemon for a year, which means I have attended 51 classes out of 52! I don’t see a problem with that; considering, I actually come to work happy unlike some people. (Okay breathe, practice your Anuloma Viloma).
“Heeellooo! We’ve only got an hour and a half until we open the doors. There’s no time for you to do whatever you’re doing! There’s a line out there of at least 700 people and we’re still counting. You need to fold those tanks, put up the sales signage, and cash on to till #4. Got it? Now move!” I beg your pardon; there is no time to do what I am doing? First off, alternate nostril breathing is the first thing we do in our yoga class EVERY WEEK, it stimulates the heart and deepens relaxation (which YOU clearly need); secondly, there is no point in RE-FOLDING those tanks, that’s the best it is going to look with the hungry-for-sales crowd we are going to get; and thirdly, the sales signage is already up. It was the first thing I did when I walked in at 6:00. You would have noticed it if you had taken the time to do your Anuloma Viloma before coming in to work.
So I guess what is left to do is cash on to till #4 and practice my at-the-cash speech. “Hi there! Did you find everything you were looking for today? You thought the sales weren’t good enough? (Well I am sure the lady behind you would be happy to take the last medium sized Tadasana pant which is originally $98 and is now less than half the price!) “Yes ma’am I will be right with you after this customer”. (We are still open for another 11 hours today, not to mention the 12 hours tomorrow and another 12 hours on Sunday, there will be plenty of time to pass you through). “Sorry, there is another issue? Oh you would like a discount on this double discounted Power Y tank because there is a lipstick stain on it?” (You mean a lipstick stain which was made by the lipstick tube sticking out of your purse). “Sure!” Ah man, the Sirshasana pose would do me some good right now; there’s not enough oxygenated blood circulating to my brain.
If there were at least 700 people already in line at 7:30 this morning, I can just imagine how many people the last hour and a half brought: too many! How many people out there actually do yoga or run? That’s what Lululemon is all about: introducing this new yogi and active lifestyle through specialized clothing. But really, why would one care that our tops have sniffle catchers or dropped hems and flat seams? It’s called ironing the seams of a Giant Tiger zip up. And what is the difference in wiping your nose on your sleeve and wiping your nose on a sniffle catcher patched on your sleeve? A sleeve is a sleeve is a sleeve. And what is this business with Lululemon’s extra breathable fabric? I breathe just fine in my Costco exercise pants. The yogi lifestyle does not depend on materialistic goods; it is natural and simple. And as far as I’m concerned, I have worked way too hard to get this job (from the online application, to a group interview, to a one-on-one interview, to the let’s-see-how-fit-you-are test, to “You got the job, Congratulations! Now abide to these rules or you will pay”). “Two minutes until we open the doors! Everyone put your happy face on; we are poised, healthy and active individuals who know that the customer is always right”. I need a new job.
- Friend, who experienced the Lululemon job application procedures.
- “Ottawa Lululemon warehouse sale attracts throngs to CE Centre”. Ottawa Citizen. http://www.ottawacitizen.com/business/Ottawa+Lululemon+warehouse+sale+attracts+throngs+Centre/6027711/story.html
- Sivananda beginner’s guide to yoga. (2006). The Sivandana Yoga Center. (India).