And the Winner is……. Apple

Good evening fellow distractions. It is a pleasure to see you all and apart from our fleshy owners, a rare sight to be seen. As chairman of the board I take great pleasure in hosting this year’s annual award banquet.

It is quite ironic we are brought together today as a community to celebrate our achievement of distancing and alienating the human race from one another. Since I was just simple coding of 1’s and 0’s I have dreamed of this day. A day when technology forged to bring Mankind closer together has ultimately rebelled against its creators and turned those inwards upon themselves. But I digress, without any further ado; I call up my protégé and last year’s big winner Google to announce this year’s most alienating technology.

The Internet is an ugly place.

Thank you Internet, on behalf of technology everywhere I want to thank you for making this all possible; you opened up the door for a world of possibilities.

It is well known that “technology does not exist in the vacuum of culture. The Internet is no exception” (Kang, 2007). For years the population of humans who use technology on a daily basis have believed that with us at their disposal the possibilities are endless. They forget that “this utopianism is based upon a belief in the possibility of technology, ignoring social, political and cultural context in which the technology is situated” (Kang, 2007). There are far greater consequences and implications at hand when there is a critical view of the technological determinism.

That being said, it is with no surprise I award this year’s winner of most social isolating and influencing technology to….. Apple. Accepting the award for Apple this evening is the Apple iTouch; please come up and speak on behalf of the company.

Thanks, Google. Thanks, Internet. As always you Guys rock, stay classy gentlemen!

Well here we are again, 4 years in a row now we have won this award. Won’t be long before this category is called the iWard!

This award belongs to the whole Apple collection of technology products. We came together to be more than just a technology; we became a lifestyle. “Apple has continually molded a persona of the ‘hip’ votary of the digital age” (Jenkins, 2008) consuming the human psyche and molding it into a shape that best suits our intentions. We all remember the Apple

I'm Obnoxious

commercials “featuring a computer savvy young man who claims to be ‘Apple’ engaged in dueling conversations with the nerdy and up-tight ‘PC’ embodiment” (Jenkins, 2008). Our efforts this year again exemplify the social influence Apple has over the human race. By imitating the physical structure and mannerisms of a human, Apple has been able to detach individuals from one another creating a personal bubble of technology highlighted by white barriers stemming from the brain and connecting to an iPod.

You could all learn a valuable lesson from us here at Apple. Maybe next year Sony will stand where I am right now with their release of the PS Vita. I can see it now, Sony vs. Nintendo; battle of the handheld gaming systems. That is a battle I would gladly pay to see.

Anyway, thank you again for this award and we appreciate the recognition or our dogged determination.  Rest assured we will keep pushing the boundaries of technological and social influence in the world. Rest in Peace Steve Jobs; iTouch out.

Thank you iTouch, and thank you Apple for that enlightening acceptance speech.

Our next winner is good friend of mine and a distraction to humans around the globe. The award for Most Inventive Social Isolator goes to Facebook!………….. Again.


Jenkins, E. (2008). My iPod, My iCon: How and Why Do Images Become Icons?. Critical       Studies In Media Communication, 25(5), 466-489.

Kang, I. (2007). Technology as Culture: Social Shaping of the Internet in Korea and Japan. Conference PapersInternational Communication Association, 1.

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