This is Larry Liver here, reporting live from the human body

December 21, 2004 CST 19:37 PM

This is Larry Liver here, reporting live from the human body.  A series of rapid chest tightenings, delivered from the heart, have been sent alerting fellow organs to prepare for the worst.  Raquel Williams, owner of the human body, is currently experiencing a heart attack at the age of 23.  One year prior to date, substances that seemed difficult to digest, were noticed entering the stomach.  Raquel’s intake frequency of unhealthy food began as a bi-weekly habit, soon becoming a daily routine.  This heart attack is a result of Raquel’s unhealthy lifestyle.  We are receiving warnings from all other organs that a total system failure will occur if our blood troops do not reach the heart, Hestia Heart, in time (National Heart Lung and Blood Institute, 2011).  Now connected with Erwin Ear, here is what’s happening on the North side: “Larry, Raquel is currently being rushed to the Renaissance Hospital, here in Groves, Texas.  Paramedics say she is in critical condition, her breathing is irregular, and she is losing consciousness quickly: all signs of a severe heart attack.  An order from Belle Boyd Brain asks organs from the North, South, East and West side of the human body to help all remaining blood troops to reach the heart in hopes of destroying the blockage (National Heart Lung and Blood Institute, 2011) found on the left si…”  [Lost connection] [Pause] We seem to have lost connection with Erwin, but as mentioned all organs should… [Lost connection]

July 17, 2007 CST 18:00 PM

This is Larry Liver here, reporting live from the human body.  It was just two and a half years ago that Raquel Williams was experiencing a heart attack.  Both left coronary artery and left anterior descending artery were blocked, denying access to blood troops who were serving to recover the left side of Hestia Heart’s tissue.  But today Hestia Heart has recovered and is in good health.  It is said that blood troops regularly make their rounds to her and back.  Just passing through is one of the blood troops soldiers’ Private Bryan Blood; what can you tell us about Hestia Heart’s condition? “Well she is better than ever! Both her affected arteries have been cleared and we the blood troops are no longer working under high pressure conditions. We’ve got many external assistants like: Antiplatelets keeping us blood troops thinner; Hestia Heart is guarded by Beta-blockers for ultimate protection; and the Statins are keeping the flow going in the arteries (Medline Plus).”  Thank you Private.  Now connecting with Erwin Ear, who is currently listening in to a conference with Raquel Williams and her Doctor.  “[Whispering] Yes Larry, Raquel has been escorted to a private room, here at the Renaissance Hospital in Groves, Texas.  She and her Doctor have been discussing her current health condition, let’s listen in:

Are you having any difficulties breathing, sleeping?

No.

Do you have any of the following symptoms: Chronicle headaches, chest pains, numbness in you extremities, and loss of colour in your vision?

No.

How often do you exercise during the week?

Between 5 and 6 times; I can’t believe I didn’t start exercising sooner, I’m practically addicted now [Laughing]

That’s great to hear Raquel.  I’m just going to check where you are at according to the BMI Chart. [Pause] Okay so at 5’10” and weighing 165 lbs, you’re at the end of the healthy margin, but you know, it’s still better than what you were at.  Keep it up.  Make sure to book another appointment with me 3 months from now.

“Back to you, Larry.”  And that was your six o’clock news.  I’m Larry Liver, Vital Organ News, Body.

August 26, 2008 CST 17:03 PM

This is Larry Liver here, reporting live from the human body.  The Great Depression has struck and struck hard.  Organs from the North, South, East and West side are struggling to survive.  All regions of the human body have been neglected of valuable sources of vitamins, nutrients and energy, causing their deterioration (Eating Disorders, 2006).  Several incidents have been reported:  Betty Bone, from the South-East Left Shin, has experienced a fracture (Eating Disorders, 2006); Hestia Heart, who had recovered from a severe heart attack in 2004, is now suffering from a slow heart rate (Eating Disorders, 2006); and Marco Muscle, from the Center Abdomen, has lost significant strength (Eating Disorders, 2006).  Once again, here is Erwin Ear with more details: “Larry, the situation the human body is experiencing is grave and there is no guarantee of it recovering successfully.  While we are experiencing a bit of interference, let’s listen in to Raquel Williams, the source of The Great Depression.”

[Painful groan] I… I can’t take this anymore.  I have to get to the gym.  Why did I eat that?  I feel sick. I don’t have the energy to leave the apartment. I need… [Interference] I hate myself [Crying] [Buzzing sound] He’s here; I can’t go.  I’ve got to go to the gym; I have to cancel my date [Buzzing sound repeats] I can’t do this, I can’t do this…

“What we have just witnessed, Larry is the struggling owner of the human body.  No one else appears to be with Raquel during this conversation, which raises concerns.  Another concern is Belle Boyd Brain’s regression from her role as ruler of the human body.  Such unfamiliar behaviour has led all organs to wonder: has our great ruler been overthrown?  Has she been defeated by illness?  One thing is for sure, the situation is not getting better, nor will it without its ruler.  Back to you Larry.”  Thank you Erwin.  We can only hope for Raquel Williams to overcome this struggle; without her efforts, genocide may overcome.  But until then, organs are left with the haunting beat of Hestia Heart. I’m Larry Liver, Vital Organ News, Body.

References:

24 Time Zone (2012). Time in Groves, Texas.  Retrieved from: http://24timezones.com/usa_time/tx_jefferson/groves.htm

Body Shaping Tips (2011).  BMI Chart – Body Mass Index Chart.  Retrieved from: http://bodyshapingtips.com/body_mass/bmi_chart/

Eating Disorder (2006).  Effects of Eating Disorder.  Retrieved from: http://www.eatingdisordershelpguide.com/effects.html

Health Canada (2005).  Canadian Guideline for Body Weight Classification in Adults.  Retrieved from: http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/fn-an/nutrition/weights-poids/guide-ld-adult/qa-qr-pub-eng.php

Medline Plus (2012).  Symptoms; Treatment.  Retrieved from: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000195.htm

National Heart Lung and Blood Institute (2011).  What is a Heart Attack? Retrieved from: http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/heartattack/

Texas Heart Institute (2012).  The Coronary arteries.  Retrieved from: http://texasheart.org/HIC/Anatomy/coroanat.cfm

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